Self-Love & Self-Care:
The concept of self-care is foreign to many. In this busy world of responsibilities of family, work, school, and the external demands of being “connected” through technology (social media, email, texting, blogging, tweeting, etc.), many of us struggle to care for the one person whom we need to connect to, and whom only we can care for … ourselves. We oftentimes overlook our own physical, nutritional, spiritual, emotional, financial, social and other needs, which disconnects us from ourselves. Not caring or being responsible for our own needs (being disconnected from self) creates a propensity for addictions of all kinds, distorted expectations & perceptions, co-dependency, fear, drama, anger reactions, and entitlements. When you experience these outcomes of disconnection (co-dependency), Co-dependency means being dependent on another person or item to “make me okay” or to fulfill and/or complete me.
You oftentimes expect that someone else—possibly someone who “loves” you—will do the “caring” for me, thus enabling me or “making” me or rendering me not responsible or required to care for myself. This type of personal irresponsibility creates deep disconnection within oneself.
The belief that someone can, “should,” ought to, or needs to be responsible to meet your needs, wants, desires or expectations is physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and in all other ways—impossible! It is as impossible as having your heart beat for another, or exercising and another receiving the physical benefits from it. It is as impossible as you eating a wonderful meal, and me procuring the nutritional benefits of what you just ate. Self-respect, self-confidence, and emotional stability are outcomes of my choices to care for my own needs, and when I enter the illusion that I can transfer my self-respect or self-confidence or emotional stability to you, it is the same as entering into the illusion that I can transfer the benefits of my choices to eat well or exercise onto another. It cannot be done.
Yet we still believe in the fantasy that someone else can make us feel “enough,” worthy, better, loved, valued, or beautiful. Thus, we make statements such as, “If you loved me…then you would do this for me,” “If I was enough…that wouldn’t happen,” “If I were more desirable…they (you) wouldn’t have left,” “If I were worthy…I would feel loved,” and the ridiculous assumption then is, if you love me, then you will be responsible for and take care of my emotional, spiritual, physical, financial needs and wants. This is not possible. Another person cannot—and is not responsible to—care for my needs; I am! Because my spirit is tucked away inside my body and cannot be accessed by anyone but me, I therefore am responsible for all the care, nurturing, love, validation, connection and any other forms of spiritual and emotional nourishment that I need and receive—no one else is responsible for me, but me. This is the central tenet of self-care.