is an illusion and a distortion. In Reality, we are not in control of much in our lives. We cannot control our health, our life/death, even our own heartbeat. And we certainly cannot control anything outside of ourselves, such as our environment, other people, circumstances, events and outcomes.
However, when we feel “out of control”—when we feel vulnerable, powerless, afraid or uncomfortable—we are prone to try to control 1) our own perceptions and 2) our external world (people, events, circumstances) so that we feel more safe, comfortable, and powerful.
When we try to control anything that is outside of our ability to manage, we are lying to ourselves. Therefore, we immediately disconnect from ourselves spiritually & emotionally. Then, we try to control our disconnect by entering into the illusions of denial, distortion and manipulation. When the illusion of control fails, we feel vulnerable. Our vulnerability feels “out of control,” thus triggering our desire to control. We have entered the never-ending cycle of the illusion of controlling our vulnerability (life / Reality).
To get out of this trap, we must be willing to surrender, which means to experience and accept our vulnerability (life / Reality), and stop trying to control it.
is being willing to acknowledge and accept the Reality: the outcomes of life that are presented to me, as well as the outcomes of my own choices. Surrendering means letting go of (not controlling or avoiding) my expectations, wants, desired outcomes, discomforts, pain, resentments, limitations, traumas, etc. Surrender is the act of becoming open, humble, and willing to adapt and accept the Truth and the Reality, regardless of the comfort or discomfort of the outcome. Living in a state of surrender is an expansive, freeing lifestyle; it is free of the worry, distortion, shame, blame and guilt that come with attempting to control situations, people, emotions, outcomes, discomfort, perceptions, and anything else we as humans desire to control. The Truth is, anytime we attempt to control anything external to us, we are living a lie, because the only things any of us has control over are our own thoughts/perceptions, our own emotions, and our own choices/behaviors. Everything and everyone else is outside of our control, and living in this Reality (surrendering) brings peace.
The Serenity Prayer teaches the principle of surrender: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”